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You see, I'm kind of paranoid..

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Wednesday, November 2nd, 2005
4:03 am - To Whom it may concern,
If you've recently been removed from my friends list, I'd like you to know why.
It wasn't one of those random and immature decisions to hurt your feelings, because I really don't think it matters that much to you anyway. It wasn't an immature act of revenge. No, I had an acual reason for doing it.

The fact is that the reason we have options for close our journal entries so that some specific people can't see them, is because we should have the right to decide who does read our journals, seeing as how the point in a journal is to post your thoughts and feelings (whether those make someone else upset or not).

The bottom line here is that I have a right to decide who should or shouldn't read my entries. There's usually a good reason for that.
She knows why. We have an unspoken agreement between us. We stay away from each other's lj's. It's never pretty.
So the fact that she gained access through you, and has new issues makes me less than happy.

I just think it's ridiculous that so much high school drama can come from one person's thoughts.
It's also widely known that I talk shit even about some of my favorite people. And why? I don't know. Maybe it's because it's what daddy taught me. Maybe it's because I haven'tt actually steadily taken my bipolar medication in months, and am therefore easier to anger. But once again, the bottom line is this: if she needed to know, she would've been told, and by me, since it was my journal that always seems to throw the earth off its axis.

And for future reference, if ever again anyone on my friends list sticks their nose where it doesn't belong (even though that's not exactly the situation here) and gives info from a locked entry to someone who doesn't need to see it?
My revenge will be creative.

It's not you I have the issue with. It's what happened. I'm avoiding future unpleasantries.

current mood: disappointed

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Thursday, October 20th, 2005
7:59 pm

Notice how this is friends only, but I still totally post public all the time? XD I'm gonna stop that.
Aaaaaanywho, while I'm doing this, let's do cuts as well.

Comment to be added or kept.

current mood: bouncy

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Tuesday, October 11th, 2005
4:42 am
Nick Parker just called here at Luna's. Everyone's asleep, so I answered the phone because (A)It's Nick and (B) I didn't want the ringing to wake anyone up.

Right now I wish I'd let it ring.

He told me that..well, Aleisha is pregnant.

I was "okay" when they talked about getting married, because there was always the chance that something would go wrong. Having liked him for so many years, I was hanging on to that hope. But it burst into flames.
I tried to sound happy for him. I don't think it worked. Because I realize what this means now.

It means I'm never going to get another chance with him.

And I want to stop breathing right now.

And yes...I do realize how pathetic I am.

current mood: numb

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Sunday, October 2nd, 2005
9:22 pm - Damn you, Dick Wolf.
I want you to know that I hate you. I hate you very very much. Because Barak? I love her. I LOVE her. >D
I had a feeling I'd like ONE of them more than I was willing to accept. But I'm loving how Barak talks to herself in the same way that I do. >D And she's so precious. =3

But DAMN YOU DICK WOLF! Damn you...

current mood: awake

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Friday, August 26th, 2005
12:12 am

Kinetic Robotic Individual Skilled in Thorough Exploration and Nullification

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Saturday, June 18th, 2005
3:01 am - Age of Conan- Hyborian Adventures Part 1
Born in 1906, Robert Ervin Howard ranks among the foremost writers of action and adventure despite a career that lasted only 12 years, ending in a macabre manner with his suicide at the age of 30. It seems he found his calling early in life; he purportedly told a famed contemporary, H.P. Lovecraft, that he wrote his very first tale when he was only nine or 10 years old. He began submitting pieces for publication when he was 15, and made his initial sale at 18, Spear and Fang, a short story about a Cro-Magnon who rescues his mate from a Neanderthal. Howard's list of credits ultimately exceeded 100. Cumulatively, they showcased his ability to create memorable characters such as Kull of Atlantis, Solomon Kane, Bran Mak Morn, Sailor Steve Costigan and the best known of all, Conan the Cimmerian.

Age of Conan - Hyborian Adventures Collapse )

O_O I actually squealed in delight.
What an awesome looking game. XD

current mood: giddy

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Friday, June 3rd, 2005
10:40 pm
Your Inner Look by bluekoala
Hair ColorBlack with dark streaks of blue, green, and purple
Eye ColorSilvery
OtherVery short hair
Quiz created with MemeGen!

current mood: calm

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Tuesday, May 31st, 2005
4:30 pm

current mood: blank

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3:16 pm
Listen here goddamn you.
I don't give a fuck if you think you're right or not. I just don't. I don't want your fucking apology, because all it is is an attempt at a guilt trip anyway.
I'll talk about you, your father, and your "boyfriend" all I want, especially since you never censored anything you ever said about anyone that you knew I cared about. Did you? Um..no. So fuck that.

Quick to crucify? "Hello pot, this is the kettle."
You're very full of yourself, but the sad thing is I can tell you have no fucking clue how full of yourself you actually are.
That's sad. That's very sad.
On another note, don't you ever say a motherfucking word about my dad being a drunk, or my mommy not caring, or my siblings hating me blah blah blah. Because I swear my life to God right now, if I ever, and I mean motherfucking EVER hear or see that you've said something about MY father? I'll cut your fucking throat.
I wonder why you seem to resent people who have decent relationships with their fathers.
The way you seem to scoff when Sarah says "Sorry I was late. I was talking to my dad."
When I came back from Kansas and told you guys all that I did with my dad, and what he got me and the like, I noticed you over there not giving a fuck. It's not MY fault your dad's dead. It';s not Sarah's fault your dad's dead. It's not even your fault your dad is dead. Stop with the sob story. Luna's dad is dead too, and she's friggin YOUNGER than you, and she's a zillion times more mature about it than you are. Don't give me any lame ass excuses here.
I just want you to know, and you know it's true, you utter one more word, JUST ONE MORE WORD about my siblings or parents, who you don't even fucking know, we're going to have to make this physical. Hell, come to my house. We'll make a night of it. But you shut your goddamn mouth about MY family.

I never claimed that I wasn't guilty at all. That was you being full of yourself and interpreting my apathy towards the whole situation as an OH NOES attack.
Like I said, if I want to attack you, that's what I'll do. And you won't need all your stupid little post office people to veriy that it is, indeed, an attack.
You were in a knife fight huh? Can you show me a scar and make me believe that you didn't do it to yourself?

Yeah, I'm pretty content in my seat of apathy and anger. Because I don't need you, first of all, contrary to popular belief.
Second of all, I never understood what the fucking hell made you so much better than me, other than you'll get naked faster.

current mood: apathetic

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4:05 am
It amuses me beyond words that she can make herself feel better, basically, by quoting me.

With the grow up, and all that.

Now she wants me to choke and die. How sweet. She thinks she's being intimidating. XD That really is adorable.

Since we all know she's probably chopping herself into hamburger now, so she can whine at her precious Sasquatch later on, I hop she cuts very very deep, and motherfucking dies. Because that's what she deserves.

"Woe is me! I cut myself and show everyone because that's what a little goth girl does."
Yeah, it's not an art, you did not invent it, and no one feels sorry for you anymore.
Get the fuck over yourself, child.
Get a life that doesn't involve money and Tommy's cock, and feeling sorry for yourself and nothing else. Sound like a good plan? Yes? *thumbs up* Best of luck, cunt face. =D

current mood: amused

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Monday, May 2nd, 2005
1:12 am - Dilemma.
Fuck. I keep messing up on this damned entry I'm trying to post. XD

current mood: awake

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Monday, April 11th, 2005
2:59 pm - Posting these for later
"Collide" by Howie Day

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you

I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

I'm quiet you know
You make a frist impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide

current mood: hungry

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Saturday, February 12th, 2005
6:17 pm

LJ Friends Meme by coolerq

• You must tell 42 people about this game.
Brent is the one that you love.
Nick is one you like but can't work out.
• You care most about Sarah.
Fallon is the one who knows you very well.
Katie is your lucky star.
Blood and Roses is the song that matches with Brent.
It's Been Awhile is the song for Nick.
So sorry to say is the song that tells you most about YOUR mind.
• and Hate Every beautiful day is the song telling you how you feel about life
Take this quiz

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Saturday, January 29th, 2005
3:42 pm
Boooooored..... o_o

Oh my God...I think I've turned into my dad.

He does this weird thing when he's drunk where he likes to put on headphones and headbang to music that's not really headbang material... and sing out loud, out of key, horribly, and make everyone's head hurt. XD

I was just getting WAY too into this Fleetwood Mac on my headphones just now and thought "Holy Shit...."


current mood: gloomy

(1 comment | comment on this)

Sunday, January 23rd, 2005
4:29 am
Sarah finally wrote me some porn!!!
HURRAH!!! For Sarah's good LOCI porn that doesnt have bad sex talk but DOES have a liqored Bobby. XD
Everyone, Read this!
It's NC-17 , written by wickedsquirrel .
Read more...Collapse )

Whoo!!! GO SARAH!!

Anywho, whatchuse guys think? =P

current mood: ecstatic

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Saturday, January 22nd, 2005
5:14 pm - New fic
Ah...Shawnee. I win, you know. =D

current mood: accomplished

(1 comment | comment on this)

Thursday, January 20th, 2005
12:01 am - Let's see how badly we can flaunt this shall we?
God I hate stupid people.

fAiRyGoDdEsS2189 (11:49:36 PM): kevin lance is a bad thing?
fAiRyGoDdEsS2189 (11:50:11 PM): do you not like kevin?
IX Illyria XI (11:50:15 PM): did I say that?
fAiRyGoDdEsS2189 (11:50:48 PM): no... you just sounded like you were going to.. b/c you said I knew you were going to say that.. I just assumed
IX Illyria XI (11:53:08 PM): IX Illyria XI (11:51:11 PM): Well, ya know what happens when you assume.
fAiRyGoDdEsS2189 (11:51:41 PM): did I miss calculate?
IX Illyria XI (11:52:20 PM): It just so happens that I've had a ridiculously huge crush on Kevin Lance for, oh about three or four years. Ask Wagner, it's a touchy subject.
fAiRyGoDdEsS2189 (11:52:32 PM): oh.. sorry
fAiRyGoDdEsS2189 (11:52:41 PM): wagner is obsessed with him too
fAiRyGoDdEsS2189 (11:52:51 PM): or so I have been told
fAiRyGoDdEsS2189 (11:52:55 PM): don't tell her I know
IX Illyria XI (11:53:32 PM): Wagner can kiss my ass. I have no interest in hearing about Wagner's obsessions. There are so many.
fAiRyGoDdEsS2189 (11:53:45 PM): yeah, that is true
IX Illyria XI (11:53:54 PM): ESPECIALLY if its KEvin. She can go to hell.
IX Illyria XI (11:54:23 PM): Kevin's about the only guy I ever knew in real life that I liked too much to talk to. Like I said, this is a VERY touchy subject.
IX Illyria XI (11:55:20 PM): you know Ashley Currie?
fAiRyGoDdEsS2189 (11:55:29 PM): yes
IX Illyria XI (11:55:49 PM): Ask her about my thing for Kevin. She used to throw it around to piss me off all the time.
IX Illyria XI (11:56:36 PM): and for the record, Im not telling you that you should feel bad. I dont expect that at all. But I do feel like Imk enttled to be upset about it. And so I am.
fAiRyGoDdEsS2189 (11:56:54 PM): yeah it's understandable
fAiRyGoDdEsS2189 (11:57:19 PM): I love him.. he is like my best friend as well as my bf
IX Illyria XI (11:57:37 PM): Well that's great. Im done talking about this now. Hope you have a nice night.

and then she said "you too. sorry I upset you. bye."

current mood: pissed off

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Thursday, December 30th, 2004
11:51 pm

Maybe I was a bit too distraught. But I adored this man. I mean.....fuck.
>.< It's not fair. It's SO terrible. I cried, honestly. Not just cried. Sobbed.
Mom came in and told me that day like it wasnt a big deal. "Jerry Orbach died alst night. He had prostate cancer." My response was something along the lines of "WHAT?!?!?!"
I really will miss him. Im so sad.

Former Mayor Rudolph Giuliani called Orbach “a friend to all New Yorkers” and “a devoted ambassador of the city.”

Orbach’s long-time “Law & Order” co-star, S. Epatha Merkerson, remembered him as “as a real good guy who knew everything and everybody. He had a real lust for life and the work he did, and it permeated throughout the set.”

Of course, he presented quite a different picture as the world-weary, recovering alcoholic Briscoe. But even as Briscoe drooped from the burden of everything he’d encountered, both on and off the job, he sized up life with sarcastic asides. For instance, standing over a fresh body on which a receipt from a fancy restaurant was found, he muttered: “Dinner for two? Hope he enjoyed it.”

Orbach had announced in early December that he had prostate cancer. His manager said at the time that he had been receiving treatment since spring, but declined to disclose any particulars about the seriousness of his condition.

Orbach is expected to appear in early “Trial By Jury” episodes when the show premieres in March.

‘His loss is irreplaceable’
“I’m immensely saddened by the passing of not only a friend and colleague, but a legendary figure of 20th-century show business,” said Dick Wolf, creator and executive producer of the four “Law & Order” series. “He was one of the most honored performers of his generation. His loss is irreplaceable.”

Orbach started his career as a hoofer who also could carry a tune. Beginning in the 1960s, he starred on Broadway in hit musicals including “Carnival,” “Promises, Promises” (for which he won a Tony Award), “42nd Street” and “Chicago.”

“He was an anchor who brought style, security and razzle-dazzle to our original ‘Chicago’ company,” said Chita Rivera, Orbach’s co-star in that 1975 production. “He was a swell guy.”

In 1960, he was in the original cast of the off-off-Broadway hit “The Fantasticks,” playing the Narrator who sang the evocative “Try to Remember.” That show went on to run for more than 40 years.

Lights on Broadway marquees were expected to be dimmed for one minute at curtain time Wednesday night in Orbach’s memory.

Among his film appearances were parts in Woody Allen’s “Crimes and Misdemeanors,” “Dirty Dancing” (in which he played Jennifer Grey’s protective dad) and the animated “Beauty and the Beast,” in which he voiced the role of the candlestick Lumiere, singing “Be Our Guest.”

It was his cop role in the 1981 drama “Prince of the City” that inspired his “Law & Order” character.

Born in the Bronx in 1935, Orbach was the son of a vaudeville-performer father and a radio-singer mother. He acted in school plays, then attended Northwestern University’s prestigious drama school in suburban Chicago, though he couldn’t swing the money to finish. In 1955, he returned to New York to hit the stage.

In a 2000 interview with The Associated Press, Orbach remembered those days fondly. Money was tight, even with his early successes: He was earning just $45 a week in “The Fantasticks,” but “even married, with a son, we lived all right.”

The original Billy Flynn
He then began an association with producer David Merrick, appearing in three of Merrick’s biggest musical successes, starting in 1961 with “Carnival,” in which he played an embittered puppeteer opposite Anna Maria Alberghetti’s winsome Lili.

In “Promises, Promises,” the Neil Simon-Burt Bacharach-Hal David musical based on the film “The Apartment,” he played Chuck Baxter, the role originated in the movie by Jack Lemmon.

His biggest hit for Merrick was “42nd Street,” which opened on Broadway in 1980 and ran for more than 3,400 performances. In the show, based on the classic backstage movie, Orbach played hard-boiled producer Julian Marsh, who brings the young dancer out of the chorus to replace the show’s ailing star.

In “Chicago,” Orbach played money-loving lawyer Billy Flynn, the role Richard Gere inherited in the 2002 film. It was also in that show that he met dancer Elaine Cancilla, whom he married in 1979.

She survives him, as well as sons Chris and Tony from his first marriage.

Orbach’s first shot at series television was a flop. In “The Law and Harry McGraw,” he played a wily but irascible private eye. The show lasted only the 1987-88 season. But four years later he struck gold, succeeding Paul Sorvino at Manhattan’s 27th Precinct as “Law & Order” entered its third season.

“People adored him,” said Merkerson, who plays Lt. Van Buren. She recalled sharing lunch one day with Orbach and co-star Benjamin Bratt, when several fans approached the table. “Jerry stopped eating to talk to them. But after a while, I whispered to him, ‘Your food is getting cold.’

“‘Kid,’ he replied with a big smile, ‘these are the people that keep us going!”’

Read more...Collapse )

current mood: crushed

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Wednesday, December 29th, 2004
2:55 am - But I never meant to fade away
I just needed someone to talk to
You were just to busy with yourself
You were never there for me to express how I felt
I just stuffed it down
Now Im older and I feel like I could let some of this anger fade
But it seems the surface I am scratching is the bed that I have made

current mood: worthless,invisible,alone

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Friday, December 17th, 2004
11:32 pm - some stuff
New friends only banner that I've gotta use, just 'cause. =P I didnt make it, I just like it a lot. Er.....I think it was made by angelfirenze.....if I spelled that right. So credit goes to thems. ^_^

In other news I am devastated to hear that VDO was quite naked in soemthing called "Erotic tales" (?) from the Netherlands, and I sooooo havent seen it because America sucks. >.<
*whine* Need naked VDO, and need it now. Ima need to watch Fires Wtithin again sometime soon, even though I hate what happens to Sam in the flick, just to satisfy my lust for naked-VDO-ness.


current mood: ecstatic

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